Welcome to Paradise
by Chris P. Bacon
Summary: 4 girls find themselves stuck with an irritable pirate, a loud monkey, and a hot blacksmith, and are faced with many problems. Such as: Co-ed dorms? Who does the cooking? RV car problems... And the most important: "Does anyone even know where we're g


**Chapter 1:**  
  
To the passersby the four girls walking to school that bright September morning were obviously... not quite happy with their present situation, a fact that was being made loudly known by a blonde-haired, blue-eyed girl with blue/steel corduroy pants and a blue windbreaker, Hannah, known to her close friends as Neko Baka-chan.

"Where did the summer go??" demanded Hannah. "Only 2 days ago it was time for school to let out!"

"Hannah," patiently began a Korean girl with long dark hair, brown pants, and a baby doll T-shirt with Wild Turkey on it, who was named Lainey, or simply Elf. "It was three months ago when school was let out. Read my lips: We've. Been. Out. Of. School. For. Three. Months."

"Hannah, stop whining," said a dirty blonde, longhaired girl with baggy green pants. She was Julie, known as Psycho, or Jewels. "Why can't you just accept that school is back, and there's nothing you can do about it?" she said impatiently.

The brown-haired, curly-headed girl with her hair in a ponytail, glasses, jeans, a T-shirt, and a black hoodie walking beside them was looking at her watch impatiently. "Come on, guys! We're going to be late!!!"

"God, Laura, you really need to chill out. You'll die of stress at the age of 16," said Lainey.

Laura glared at Lainey.

"I'll thank you to stay out of my 'stress' life please," she said tartly.

Lainey just grinned, and turned to Hannah to resolve her current tirade.

"Hannah. Will you please stop whining?!"

Hannah looked at Lainey with lower lip trembling.

"But... But..."

"STOP."

Laura looked at her watch again. "Come on, guys! We are going to be LATE!"

"Inu, just chill out!" said Julie. "If we get there after the bell rings, we still have 5 whole minutes to get to homeroom."

"But we'll still have to run for homeroom!" said Laura desperately.

"Laura," said Julie slowly. "You always get there with 4 minutes before the late bell. There is nothing to worry about."

"YES THERE IS!!!" yelled Laura. "THERE IS DEFINITELY SOMETHING TO WORRY ABOUT!"

Hannah and Lainey both stopped their argument to look at Laura with raised eyebrows.

"Umm............ what was that?" asked Hannah slowly.

"I think it was Laura having one of her usual school-is-important rants," replied Lainey.

"Oh," said Hannah. "Laura, contrary to what you might believe, school is not the most important factor in life."

Laura looked at Hannah incredulously. "W-what?"

Then she looked at the steadily approaching school. "We're almost there!" she said, quickening slightly to get there faster. Hannah, Lainey, and Julie stayed back.

"I don't think she's really worried about being late for homeroom," muttered Hannah.

"Yeah," said Lainey. "She's probably rushing to meet someone."

"She's either got an appointment with her true love or she wants her dollar," said Hannah.

"I heard that!" Laura yelled back at them. "And it's not funny!"

But she didn't slow down her pace.

"Yeah, she's just in denial," said Julie, walking ahead to catch up to Laura.

Lainey and Hannah accelerated after a time, and caught up to Julie. Laura was of course practically running into the school, with Julie poking fun at her the whole way, Lainey and Hannah not far behind.

"You know Laura, the bell rings in like a minute." Hannah said suddenly.

"WHAT?!?!" Laura yelled kicking it into high gear.

"Laura we have like five minutes after the first bell rings to get to homeroom." Lainey said.

"I don't care. I have to get there BEFORE the bell rings." Laura yelled.

"Laura, for the love of Jack Sparrow you will see him in first period!" said Hannah.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand what makes you think that's why I'm here?" asked Laura, innocently looking up at the clouds.

"Laura. You are here to get Jacob for not giving you back that dollar he stole at the end of last year," said Hannah. "Just admit it so that we can get on with the rest of our lives."

Laura glared at Hannah. "Whatever," she said irritably.

"I'll take that as a yes," said Hannah, grinning at Julie and Lainey. Laura just went "Hmph," and proceeded through the front doors of the high school.

The four boys standing in Neko's, Inu's, Elf's, and Psycho's normal place in the hall were the four girls' friends. The closest one, David, was average height with short, straight, and brown hair, blue jeans, an Aeropostale long sleeve T, and an open French book.

"Conrad," David questioned the longhaired, tall boy with a Monty Python T- shirt, baggy pants, and an overcoat beside him. "What was our French homework last night?"

"Problems 1-12 on page 383," replied Conrad.

Joel, the shaggy haired boy with a letterman and an ID tag that Laura couldn't resist pulling on, said, "Oh God, the raging quad team is here."

"What was that?" questioned Jacob, the blonde haired boy with a black, fuzzy jacket on. "They're here? Finally? Good, now I can pester Lainey for answers from World Geography."

"Don't even start," said Lainey irritably.

Jacob just grinned and said, "Meh, don't worry, I was going to bug Laura anyway. Your answers would probably get me into trouble."

"WHAT?!?!" yelled Lainey furiously.

"Well, think about it," said Jacob reasonably. "You always have to include some form of torture in your answers."

"Hmph," said Lainey.

The rest of the day passed with much normality, with Laura talking to Jessica in Latin and getting Hannah in trouble then Laura apologizing over lunch. Julie and Laura slept through all of Geometry, and Hannah did absolutely nothing in PE. Jacob poked/annoyed Laura all through World Geography, and Hannah, Laura, and Lainey chatted quietly during Biology. Julie and Hannah passed notes in English, while Laura sat and watched, trying not to laugh. Lunch was its usual ordeal.

".........Is this still alive?" asked Laura, poking her chicken fried "steak".

"I think we can ascertain that it is definitely dead," said Jacob.

"What I'm worried about is how long has this been road kill?" said Jessica apprehensively.

"Look, if y'all dislike it so much then hand it over," said Hannah forcefully.

"Hey, hey, hey!" said Julie. "What about me??"

"I CALLED IT FIRST."

"But I called it second."

Hannah blinked. "Um....... Look, one comes before two. There is nothing you can do about it so just give in."

"NEVER!" said Julie.

"I have an idea," said Laura. "How about I just give half to you," pointing at Hannah. "And I give half to you," said Laura, pointing at Julie.

"No, I think you're going to give it all to ME," said Hannah.

Lunch continued in this general direction until Laura cut in saying, "5 MINUTES TO THE BELL!" They all proceeded to hurriedly throw away their trays, and rush out to their spot in the hall.

Then school was out, and Laura said goodbye to everyone. She walked home quickly, wanting to get a few quick moments online before her parents got home. She walked up the front steps of her house and opened the door. "Mom? I'm home!" she shouted from the doorway.

Then she came in and shut the door. Stella, her dog came bounding out of the sunroom and jumped up on Laura, almost knocking her flat.

"Whoa, Stella, down girl!" said Laura.

She got up and walked to the table in the living room. Then she noticed the note on the back of the front door.

_Laura:_ it began, _Family emergency in Michigan. Didn't want to take you away from school for so long. Will call with updates ASAP. You can stay at Ashley's until we come back. Love, Mom and Dad._

Laura grinned happily. Mom and Dad would probably stay until they were sure that everything was all right. That meant that she would have a whole week at least with Ashley. And she could just stay at her house some of that time and invite her friends over. Laura was imagining all this cheerfully when Stella suddenly perked up her ears and started to bark. Loudly.

"Stella, what is the matter with you?!" asked Laura, who was irritated with Stella's random need to annoy her. Then she heard the bang that came from the kitchen and a muffled curse.

"Um... Who's there?" asked Laura nervously edging towards the kitchen.

She slowly rounded the corner and peeked inside. Nothing. She gave a relieved sigh and turned back around only to find herself looking down the barrel of a 300 year-old pistol.

"Er... Nice pistol you got there. Did you get it out of a museum or something? Does it even work?"

"I'll ask the questions 'ere. Savvy?" said the man.

Laura was still in some shock over being threatened by a man with a gun that probably didn't even work any more, but when she heard that voice she froze. She knew that voice. How many times had she and Hannah obsessed over that movie? Her eyes widened.

"Whoa. Now that's weird. For a second there, you really sounded like Jack Sparrow." "Captain Jack Sparrow," said Jack with emphasis. "And I don't know how you know my name, have I pillaged you before?"

At that she grinned wryly. "Absolutely not. I haven't been to the Caribbean once in my life. Nor have I ever visited the 17th century, for that matter."

He raised his eyebrow. "What are you talking about, lass?" he asked puzzled.

"Um," she said intelligently. "Hang on, I have to make a call."

"A what?" asked Jack, but he was talking to thin air, for she had already rushed off to the phone.

She dialed number 5 in the speed dial and waited panicked for Hannah to pick up. "Hello?" said Hannah quizzically.

"Hannah?" asked Laura breathlessly.

"Uh, yeah..." said Hannah.

"Ohmigod, ohmigod, ohmigod, ohmigod, ohmigod!!!" shouted Laura.

Hannah seemed a little puzzled by this statement.

"What? What?!" she yelled, quite taken aback.

"Ohmigod, Hannah! You will never, ever, in a million years, guess who is over here at this moment!" said Laura excitedly.

"Uh..... Josh with a bouquet of roses?" quipped Hannah. "How should I know, Laura??"

Laura glared at the phone even though she knew that Hannah couldn't see it. "No, moron, that was before."

"Oh. Then who?"

"JACK," said Laura with no little amount of happiness.

Hannah paused. "Um... Laura? I don't know who that is."

"JACK SPARROW, YOU FRICKIN' MORON!!!" screamed Laura.

Meanwhile Jack was staring at the phone with a strange look on his face.

"Um, forgive me for intruding, but... What is that?"

Laura looked at him incredulously for a moment, then said,

"It's a phone. Now hush." She turned back to the phone. "Hannah," she said in her calmest voice. "Listen to the words that are coming out of my mouth. Jack. Sparrow. Is. Standing. In. My. Kitchen. Get. Over. Here. NOW."

Laura heard a loud thump in the background and then Hannah saying, "Hang on a moment". She waited a second and heard Hannah screaming in the background.

"What?? WHAT?!?!" yelled Laura.

"OH. MY. GOD! You will never guess who is standing in my bedroom."

"Orlando Bloom?" said Laura sarcastically.

"Yeah," said Hannah faintly.

"WHAT?!" said Laura. Laura could hear Hannah taking a deep breath.

"Laura," she began. "Orlando Bloom is sitting here looking like Will Turner in my bedroom. I haven't the slightest idea what to do with him other that stuff him in the broom closet for... other... purposes."

"Hannah!" said Laura, shocked.

Hannah was completely oblivious though, and said, "I wonder if I can get him to dress up in a long, unnaturally straight-haired wig and a tunic with leggings..."

"HANNAH!" yelled Laura, cutting into Hannah's fantasies. "We do not have the time right now!! Look. Just hop in the car and drive over here. Bring the hot elf. OK?"

"OK," said Hannah.

"I'll talk to you when you get here," said Laura.

"KK," said Hannah cheerfully.

Laura hung up the phone. Jack stared at it like it was possessed.

"What?" asked Laura speaking eloquently.

"I heard a girl's voice in that tube," he said amazedly. "But, I can't see anyone at the other end speaking into the tube."

"It's a telephone," said Laura as patiently as possible. "It's.... a new thingy from after... whenever you come from. You talk in this end," she showed him the appropriate end, "And you speak in this end." she concluded pointing at the bottom.

He looked at her like she was crazy. She endured the gaze, then turned to the computer to see if Julie or Lainey had signed on yet.  
  
**AragornIsMyKing has just signed on.**

**PippinsHobbitFancier07:** JULIE!!!

**AragornIsMyKing:** What?

**PippinsHobbitFancier07:** You will never, in a hundred thousand years, guess who's at my house.

**AragornIsMyKing:** Someone from the cast of PotC?

**PippinsHobbitFancier07:** How'd you guess?

**AragornIsMyKing: **Because Jack the monkey just popped up in my computer room.

**PippinsHobbitFancier07:** Oh. Well, thanks for raining on my parade...

**AragornIsMyKing:** Sorry.

**PippinsHobbitFancier07:** OK, try to guess iwho/i it is in my kitchen.

**AragornIsMyKing:** I don't know, who?

**PippinsHobbitFancier07:** Jack.

**AragornIsMyKing:** SPARROW?

**PippinsHobbitFancier07:** Yeah.

**AragornIsMyKing:** I'll be right over.

Once Julie and Hannah were safely at Laura's house they began reviewing possibilities for what to do with the three that they'd discovered. They were sitting at the island in Laura's kitchen, with Jack, Jack the monkey, (the girls had taken to calling him Jack TM, to save confusion), and Will, sitting at the breakfast room table.

The guys were looking at the computer, which was on screen-saver, with an expression of awe. Hannah was pouting on her stool.

"I still say we make Will dress up as Legolas," she said stubbornly.

Julie and Laura rolled their eyes.

"Hannah," said Julie firmly. "We are not dressing poor Will up. We're just not."

Hannah's lower lip trembled pitifully.

"But... But..."

"NO," said Inu and Psycho in unison.

Meanwhile the men were still staring at the computer screen like zombies, until Julie came over and switched the screen to off.

"You'll get a headache if you stare at that too long," said Julie sagely.

"Yeah, it'll hurt your eyes," put in Hannah.

Laura came over and switched it back on, then got it off screen-saver. The guys were even more in awe than ever.

"It glows..." said Will.

"It makes pictures that move!" said Jack amazedly.

"Screech!" said Jack TM.

"Oh, shut it, you," said Jack crossly.

Jack TM responded by leaping up on Julie's shoulder and sitting like a good little soldier. Jack and Laura glared at him simultaneously, Laura not knowing that Hannah had just left to hunt for some food.

She only realized when she heard Hannah call, "Hey Laura! What do we have to eat in this place??"

"HANNAH!" said Laura exasperatedly. "Is that the only reason you come over here?? We do have a little problem, you know!!!"

Hannah looked quite perplexed. "What 'little problem' are you talking about?..."

Laura rolled her eyes and looked at Julie, who was playing with Jack TM on her shoulder. Laura shook her head, sighed, and got online to see if Lainey had gotten on yet.

She hadn't.

"OK..." said Laura under her breath. "Maybe Lainey didn't get anyone over there."

Just as she was speaking, the phone rang.

"I'll get it!" Hannah yelled, jumping up and running to the phone.

"Hannah, good gosh, we aren't deaf!!" Julie said.

"Hello, Hall residence, this is Hannah speaking," Hannah answered.

"Hannah, you're not a Hall," both Laura and the person on the other line said.

"No, but I'm a Hay, and that's close enough, so what do you want, Lainey?"

"Is it a crime to say hi??" asked Lainey.

"Depends on what bases of belief you're operating along. Presently, yes it is," Hannah answered.

There was a momentary silence. "Hannah, let me talk to Laura."

"Okie dokie," Hannah said. Obviously she was getting hyper, "Yo, Laura, I think Lainey got someone!"

"Figures," Laura sighed and took the phone from Hannah.

"Laura Laura Laura Laura Laura Laura Laura Laura!" yelled Lainey.

"What?!" Laura yelled back. "Did a character from PotC show up at your house??"

"NO," said Lainey, exasperated. "Jeremiah asked me out!!"

Laura blinked. Then she blinked again.

"Laura?" Lainey asked.

"Yes."

"You OK?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Jeremiah asked me out!! Aren't you happy for me?!"

"Yeah. Do you want me to tell Hannah and Julie??"

"Yeah. Now what about the characters from PotC?"

"They're at my house."

There was a long silence on the phone. Then Lainey started screaming.

"OH, GEEZ, LAINEY, CALM DOWN!!!"

Suddenly Will pulled out his dagger and threw it at the phone cutting the line. Laura's head snapped up and slowly turned to face Will. There was venom in her voice when she spoke again.

"Why... Did you... Do that?..." said Laura in that deadly calm voice.  
  
**(A/N: Now for the random moment of the day.) Gonads and strife! Gonads and strife! Gonads and strife! Gonads and strife! Gonads and strife! Gonads and strife! (A/N: Fin.)**  
  
"The contraption was possessed, its scream sounded like that of a banshee," Will said in self-defense.

Hannah squealed, "He even sounds like Legolas!!"

"Hannah, calm yourself!!! And what have I told you about the high pitched noises?!?!" Julie said.

As she did the doorbell rang. Hannah opened the door and Lainey ran in until she found her idol, Jack.

"Lainey! Down!!" the other three said warningly.

"Um, I'm afraid we haven't had the pleasure of being introduced?" Jack spoke.  
  
**(A/N: Lainey...... You're not getting Jack)**

**(Lainey: The heck I'm not.)**

**(Hannah to A/N: Don't get her started. whispers We're out of holy water. All we have is the cross!)**

**(A/N: I'M THE AUTHOR HERE, I SAY WHAT HAPPENS.)**

**(Hannah/Lainey: blinkblink)**

**(A/N: Right. Off we go.)**  
  
"Oh, oh, right!" said Laura. "Jack, Will, this is Hannah and Lainey."

Jack nodded his head at each girl in turn. Will, however, remembered his manners and bowed gracefully to Hannah and Lainey as their names were called, giving Hannah a strange look as he bent.

"We've met," said Will to Laura.

"Yeeeeeah, he came from my house, Laura," said Hannah slowly.

She was looking at Laura like she was a complete dunderhead.

"Yo, Laura, what about me?" Julie asked, stepping up behind her.

"Oops, sorry Julie. Guys, this is Julie."

Julie received the same action from the boys as the other two girls.

"OK, soooo..." said Laura. "Now that we're all properly introduced, I vote we go get pizza!!"

"I'm driving!!!" Hannah yelled grabbing her keys and heading towards the back door.

"All who wish not to die come with me," said Lainey getting her keys out and heading to her vehicle.

"Look now, the driving instructor said I was a very good and careful driver. She said as long as I don't drink and drive I'm good. So I guess that rules you out."

"The only reason you passed was because the instructor didn't want to go on one more test drive with you."

"What, are you speaking from personal experience?"

"Girls, girls..." said Laura with a long-suffering sigh. "Calm down. I'll drive, if it'll make y'all shut up."

"No, that's OK, seriously. Let me drive there, Lainey, you can drive back. Deal?" said Hannah.

"You don't understand. I drove here," said Lainey patiently. "I'm not leaving my car."

"Lainey, it's just to Pizza Hut and back," Hannah said reasonably.

"God. OK, I'm taking Will and Jack in the RV. You two can squabble about who drives while we're eating. Bye," said Laura, walking to the garage with Jack and Will.

Hannah looked at Lainey and Julie. There was a momentary pause, then all ran for the door.  
  
"Took you long enough," said Laura.

"Sooooo..... Can I drive the RV?" asked Hannah.

"NO!" yelled Laura. "It was part of my inheritance from Aunt Karen!"

Hannah sighed, "Can I drive back??"

"No."

"Well can I take my car? I'll follow you?"

"She just got her license, she'll take and chance she can to drive", Julie whispered to the guys.

The guys merely stared at them wondering what on earth the girls were talking about.

"............" said Will. "Young ladies drive? Do you mean a coach??"

"Not exactly," Laura said.

"I'll bring my car around!" Hannah pipped and ran to the front of the house to fetch her car to show the guys.

"Umm..." said Laura, think of how to explain the concept of cars. "A car is... a horseless carriage that makes a lot of noise."

"Especially if you crank up the radio, like, Hannah probably will," said Julie wryly.

At that moment, Hannah pulled in front of them sitting in the dark ruby red CRV. It was once her mom's, but her mom had since gotten a new vehicle and Hannah received her first car. Needless to say, she was happy.

"Speak of the devil," said Laura under her breath.

The guys were staring open-mouthed at what looked to them like a see- through dragon with Hannah in its mouth.

"IT'S A BLOODY DRAGON!!!" yelled Will, going down to try to save Hannah, with Laura sprinting to catch up.

Will whipped out his sword. Laura gathered up the last of her strength and leapt/tackled Will to the ground before he could 'kill' Hannah's car.

"Ooooh..." grumbled Laura. "At least track was good for something..."

Will groaned underneath her. She'd knocked the breath out of him. She practically leapt off him. Julie was laughing so hard she couldn't even speak. Laura glared at her, which made her start laughing even harder. Jack had been watching this whole ordeal openmouthed. Laura was busy glaring at Julie.

She seemed to be trying to say something, but no one had a chance to find out what that was, because at that moment Hannah suddenly grabbed Will, rolled down the window, and said, "We'll met you at the Pizza Hut!"

Then she pressed down on the gas and sped off.

Laura, Julie, Lainey, and Jack stared wordlessly after the rooster tail of dust that showed the last of the car, Laura still on the ground with Julie, Lainey, and Jack standing around her.

They stared on in silence until finally Julie snapped out of it, looked around, and said, "C'mon, guys, let's go see if Will made it to Pizza Hut in one piece."

This brought Laura right out of her trance, but it really didn't accomplish anything except for the fact that, instead of simply laying on the ground, Laura was rolling on the ground laughing so hard Jack seemed to be worried she would have a stroke. Lainey looked at Laura rolling on the grass with the sort of condescending disdain only Lainey could manage, then looked at Julie with a look that clearly said, "Remind me why we hang around her, again?"

She cleared her throat and said vaguely warningly, "Laura, I believe Julie just said that we should _go find Hannah_." Laura brought her laughing under control to a suppressed giggle, then stood up smirking.

Julie rolled her eyes and said, "Let's go."

Julie poked Lainey in the ribs, and said, "March, you."

Lainey glared at Julie then set off to the RV. Julie shook her head, and she, Jack and Laura set off to the car.

Julie said to Laura, "All bark and no bite." Then her face paled.

"Oops..." she said. "I forgot to call him..."

Laura slowed for a moment, then resumed and said, "Call whom?"

"Uh..." said Julie.

That Laura stopped at. She turned to Julie swiftly. "Spill it," said Laura.

Julie looked at the ceiling, and said, "Have I mentioned to you that Joel and I are going out?..."

"Oh," said Laura. "I knew that."

"...You did??" asked Julie.

"Well, yeah, duh."

"Well how'd you find out?" said Julie a little huffily.

Laura stared at her with an extremely incredulous look. "Please tell me you're kidding. I have never seen such silliness between two people in my life. Including my parents. And that's silly."

Julie harrumphed and continued walking.

"Oh, and that reminds me," said Laura glaringly. "Just what were Joel's hands doing in your pockets???"

Julie grinned impishly at Laura.

"Dude, I don't even have to answer that."

"Julie..." said Laura.

Jack stopped and stared when they got to the RV.

"I have been on many ships, in many shapes, but that is far beyond me. What, pray tell, is it supposed to be?" he said curiously.

"Um..." said Laura looking helplessly at Julie for help.

When Julie just shook her head and shrugged, Laura sighed and looked at Jack.

"This," she said, indicating the RV with a wave of her hand, "is an RV."

Jack just looked blankly at her until she finally heaved herself into the doorway. Julie followed suit, pulling her cell phone out as she got into the car. Lainey got in, the looked back over her shoulder and waved him in. Jack seemed to think for a moment, then gingerly hauled himself inside.

Inside the RV was even more incredible to him. He stared around the interior, apparently unable to take in his surroundings.

Julie was talking animatedly into her phone.

"No!... Joel, you are not allowed to come... Joel!... I'm serious... No!... What?... No. No. **NO**..." she sighed. "How about later, just not now, OK? OK, bye!" she said then closed the phone with finality.

"Joel is just like my brother's puppy," said Laura. "Maybe it would help if you got an electric collar for him to let him know when he's being an idiot."

"But he's always an idiot! It could severely damage him, and then who would we pick on?" Lainey protested.

"Thank you, that's really helpful," said Julie irritably, ushering the befuddled Jack into a seat and buckling him in.

"This will be very wavy, fast, and bumpy," said Julie strictly. "So don't scream out or yell or anything, because," she leaned in to whisper this part rather loudly, "Laura's not a very good driver and it might startle her."

"Yes," said Lainey quickly. "You should probably start praying to whatever god you believe in, and maybe some you don't."

"HEY! I heard that!" said Laura climbing into the driver seat.

Julie smirked and got into the front passenger seat. Laura stuck her tongue out at her, put the key in the ignition, and turned it on. Lainey sat down next to Jack, and grinned at Laura innocently.

Laura glared at Lainey, then said, "Seat belts," as she put hers on. Jack nervously fingered his.

"Madam... Is this vehicle safe?" he said with a little squeak on the last word.

"Perfectly safe," said Laura with a grin. "You just might want to hang on."

Jack paled and gripped the armrests so tightly his knuckles turned white.

"Oh, calm down, Jack!" said Laura glaring at Julie who was shaking with barely suppressed mirth. "It's OK, I'm a fine driver."

"So says the one accused," said Jack weakly.

Laura rolled her eyes, put the RV in drive, and took off down the street. Julie looked in the mirror once at Jack and burst out laughing. Jack looked quite affronted and drew himself up as regally snotty as was possible.

Lainey was gasping from trying not to laugh, and said, "I... think I need to go to the bathroom. One moment," and took off down the corridor giggling like a maniac.

Jack stared after her for a moment, then resumed just sitting in the seat gripping the armrests. Julie looked at him, then at Laura, then back, then back again, and so on until Laura snapped.

"Julie, for heaven's sake STOP THAT!" she fairly yelled.

"Pshaw," said Julie. "I wasn't doing anything."

"Yeah. Right."

Julie just grinned and pulled out her cell phone.

Laura looked at her and said, "Who're you calling??"

"I don't know. I'm just gonna call someone."

"Oooookay..." said Laura shaking her head.

Julie started pressing random buttons. It was then that it suddenly occurred to her.

"Where's Jack TM?" asked Julie.

Laura pulled over and looked around.

"Ohhhhhhhh dear..." she said nervously. "I don't think he's here..."

Then Laura's eyes widened.

"And that means..... HE'S AT MY HOUSE. ALONE. NO SUPERVISION. THIS IS NOT GOOD! WHO KNOWS WHAT TROUBLE HE COULD BE GETTING INTO AT THIS **_VERY MOMENT?!?!?!_**"

Laura was practically screaming at the end. Meanwhile Jack was examining the many buttons and levers on the side of his chair. He pulled one lever and was promptly flung backward by the force of the chair. He struggled with the combined problems of his shock at flying backwards suddenly, his seat belt, and the fact that he was on his back.

He came up spluttering about a minute later, still struggling with the belt. It was a very good thing that the RV had been pulled over, for Laura was laughing so hard there would most definitely have been a wreck had she been on the road.

Eventually Laura stopped giggling long enough to realize what Jack was actually saying. Turned out he was cursing in at least 5 different languages. She knew she should have been appalled, but she was too impressed.

She could even detect her favored really bad curse, which was in Spanish.

"JACK!" said Laura, feigning indignation. "Shame on you!"

Jack looked at her cockily. "Lass, at this moment, I really don't care."

"You ought to be ashamed of yourself, using that sort of language in front of a lady."

Jack snorted quietly when Laura said 'lady'. At which Laura's eyebrows shot up.

"Excuuuuuuuuuuse me? Did you just snort?"

Jack held up his hands in mock surrender. "Well, you caught me. So what now? What are you going to do about it??"

"Ohhhhhhhh, you want me to do something about it, huh?"

"That's not what I said!"

"Close enough!"

Laura tackled him, successfully knocking the breath out of him. By then Laura had completely forgotten about the whole Jack-the-monkey-is- missing thing. She was too busy laughing at Jack. She was swiftly reminded, however, when Julie walked in smiling.

"What?" asked Laura. "What are you smiling about??"

"I found Jack TM," said Julie.

"You did??"

Relief was evident in Laura's voice. She saw Jack TM perched on Julie's shoulder and grinned. Julie stopped smiling and looked curiously at Laura. Then she started just plain smirking.

"What??" demanded Laura. "What????"

Julie clearly seemed to be trying valiantly not to laugh but it looked like she was losing the battle.

"I don't even want to know..."

A grunt was heard and Laura looked down. She realized what Julie was laughing at.

"Oh, crap!" she said and jumped off poor Jack.

"Oooooooooooh........." groaned Jack.

"Where did I hit you?" asked Laura.

When Jack didn't respond Laura looked at Julie worriedly. Julie took one look at Jack and doubled over laughing. He glared at her as well as he could.

"I'd like to see how well _you'd_ handle that..." he muttered.

Laura looked from Julie to Jack and tried to figure out just what they were talking about. Julie looked at Laura's perplexed expression and rolled her eyes.

"Geez, Laura, sometimes you really are clueless," said Julie exasperatedly. "Don't you know where you hit him??"

When Laura shook her head in the negative Julie sighed and whispered in her ear.

"Oh my..." said Laura. "Oh, geez, I'm sorry!!! Oh man.... Maybe we have some... brandy or something in the refrigerator..." said Laura scurrying to the fridge.

"A little rum?" said Jack hopefully.

"No. No rum for you until you're back home," Laura said.

Jack pouted.

"Ya know Laura, if we don't get to Pizza Hut soon, my stomach is going to start rebelling," said Julie.

"Yeah, and there's no telling what Hannah's doing with Will at this very moment," Lainey said walking in.

"Fine, fine, fine," said Laura uncaringly. She stuck the keys back in the ignition and took off.  
** END CHAPTER 1**


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